Jan 23, 2015

Waiting on Charlie

I am 39 weeks. Full term. About this time last week I started getting really impatient and ready for this whole  pregnancy thing to be over with. Bryan had finished his last road trip for work and that meant it was officially okay for Charlie to arrive... which meant that I thought he should just go ahead and arrive already. Cue the frustration when he didn't agree with me.

Besides his insistence on not arriving early the most frustrating thing is the little aches and pains. I find myself questioning every little feeling or movement wondering if it is a contraction. I can not tell you the number of times I've googled some variation of "what do contractions feel like."  Sigh... my doctor says any day now. Even saying she'd be surprised if I lasted until my next appointment (Tuesday), which only heightens my anticipation.

We've busied ourselves with little Charlie chores: washing all his clothes and blankets, snipping tags of toys and paraphernalia, installing the car seat, installing batteries in the swing and bouncy seat, etc. There is literally nothing else to do. I moved on to other household chores. Making sure we have plenty of toilet paper and cleaning supplies, filling up olive oil and dish washing dispensers, replacing batteries on my kitchen timer that was dying, etc. The house is clean and clutter free. We. Are. Ready.

Bryan and I have had multiple discussions on how to spend our free time while we wait for Charlie  as we now have nothing else to do. Should we go out or should we stay in and enjoy the quiet?  So far we've been alternating between the two. Going out one night, staying in the next. I'm afraid to meal plan or buy groceries because then I would for sure go into labor and all the food would spoil. Which I was tempted to do just so that I might actually go into labor. But that's not very prudent, so I'm buying on an every other day basis.

I'm sure in a couple of weeks (maybe even days, I hope) I will look back at this time of waiting and laugh at how impatient I was/am. But for the moment, it's tough. It's tough to know that he can come at any time, but isn't. I wake up every morning wondering if this date is the day that I'll celebrate for the rest of my life or if it will be just another day. It's tough being surrounded by all the good work we've put into this little boy, but so far don't have anything to show for it other than a ginormous belly and my crappy attitude.

I try to remind myself of the song I was taught as a child, "this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Charlie or no Charlie I'm going to try to make the most of each day.

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